Bully
Recently, my mum had taken on a teaching project, so this morning she was marking some compositions and asked if I was able to provide a sample composition. English and Literature had always been my favourite subjects in school, so I thought it'd be fun and I didn't really mind doing it.
It was one of those "continue-the-story" type of compositions about bullying and it started like this:
It was recess. I was walking towards the staff room to see my teacher. Before I reached the staff room, I heard someone sobbing.
So below is my version (written for Primary 6 level) of it, enjoy! :)
- - - - -
It was recess. I was walking towards the staff room to see my teacher. Before I reached the staff room, I heard someone sobbing.
Running towards the sobbing sound, I saw a girl huddled in a corner. Her hair was matted to her face, wet from tears, and her tiny shoulders shuddered with each sob she made. I gingerly reached out and tapped her shoulder.
Startled, she jumped and glanced up. Her eyes darted back and forth like that of a frightened animal, like she was scanning my face for signs of hostility. Suddenly narrowing her eyes, she snarled, "What do you want?"
"I-I'm sorry... Are you okay?"
Her eyes widened, and then her gaze became soft, almost sad, and she said, "Yeah... Okay, no. I'm not okay."
Her almond peepers welled up with fresh tears, and her shoulders started heaving with sobs again.
I noticed she was clutching a box. It was an old, brown shoe box that had bits of newspaper in it.
I sat down next to her and asked, "What's that?"
For a second, her sobbing stopped completely - and then she started wailing and bawling her heart out.
"They... They t-took h-him," she said between sobs.
I looked at her in puzzlement.
"T-They took Hammie and...and..." She couldn't carry on because her sobbing was too violent.
My eyes settled on the shoe box. And then it clicked.
"...threw h-him into t-the p-pond!" she finally mustered, before collapsing into another round of sobbing.
I was mortified. "They threw your hamster into the pond?!" I exclaimed.
"N-no. N-not hamster..."
I heaved a sigh of relief.
"H-hammie is... was... my m-mouse," she said between sobs.
"Great," I thought to myself, "so she had a mouse called Hammie."
"Come, let's go save him," I said, at the same time pulling her to her feet.
We rushed to the school pond, but it was already too late. Hammie was floating along the side of the pond, his tiny body stiff and frozen by Death's grip.
I carefully fished out the body from the water and placed him in her shoe box.
"I'm sorry," I said.
She didn't reply, but kept looking at the box.
"You want to tell the teacher?" I asked.
"No, it doesn't matter. It's no use. She hates mice, she won't do anything about it," she said.
"Oh," I said. I didn't know how to respond.
"How about we bury him?" I ventured.
She looked up and her eyes brightened. She seemed to think it was good idea.
Reaching the school garden, we picked up some leaf litter and covered Hammie with them. I stood up with a satisfied smile on my face.
But she didn't seem satisfied. She was glancing round anxiously, as if looking for something.
Then suddenly her hand shot out and plucked out a big hibiscus from the nearby bush, and she placed it on top of the pile.
"You'll get in trouble for that if the gardener finds out!" I exclaimed.
She just smiled with a twinkle in her eye, and said, "For Hammie."
Turning round, she skipped off into the distance, her long black hair dancing with each hop and skip.
"For Hammie," I said, watching her tiny figure disappear into the school crowd.
It was one of those "continue-the-story" type of compositions about bullying and it started like this:
It was recess. I was walking towards the staff room to see my teacher. Before I reached the staff room, I heard someone sobbing.
So below is my version (written for Primary 6 level) of it, enjoy! :)
- - - - -
It was recess. I was walking towards the staff room to see my teacher. Before I reached the staff room, I heard someone sobbing.
Running towards the sobbing sound, I saw a girl huddled in a corner. Her hair was matted to her face, wet from tears, and her tiny shoulders shuddered with each sob she made. I gingerly reached out and tapped her shoulder.
Startled, she jumped and glanced up. Her eyes darted back and forth like that of a frightened animal, like she was scanning my face for signs of hostility. Suddenly narrowing her eyes, she snarled, "What do you want?"
"I-I'm sorry... Are you okay?"
Her eyes widened, and then her gaze became soft, almost sad, and she said, "Yeah... Okay, no. I'm not okay."
Her almond peepers welled up with fresh tears, and her shoulders started heaving with sobs again.
I noticed she was clutching a box. It was an old, brown shoe box that had bits of newspaper in it.
I sat down next to her and asked, "What's that?"
For a second, her sobbing stopped completely - and then she started wailing and bawling her heart out.
"They... They t-took h-him," she said between sobs.
I looked at her in puzzlement.
"T-They took Hammie and...and..." She couldn't carry on because her sobbing was too violent.
My eyes settled on the shoe box. And then it clicked.
"...threw h-him into t-the p-pond!" she finally mustered, before collapsing into another round of sobbing.
I was mortified. "They threw your hamster into the pond?!" I exclaimed.
"N-no. N-not hamster..."
I heaved a sigh of relief.
"H-hammie is... was... my m-mouse," she said between sobs.
"Great," I thought to myself, "so she had a mouse called Hammie."
"Come, let's go save him," I said, at the same time pulling her to her feet.
We rushed to the school pond, but it was already too late. Hammie was floating along the side of the pond, his tiny body stiff and frozen by Death's grip.
I carefully fished out the body from the water and placed him in her shoe box.
"I'm sorry," I said.
She didn't reply, but kept looking at the box.
"You want to tell the teacher?" I asked.
"No, it doesn't matter. It's no use. She hates mice, she won't do anything about it," she said.
"Oh," I said. I didn't know how to respond.
"How about we bury him?" I ventured.
She looked up and her eyes brightened. She seemed to think it was good idea.
Reaching the school garden, we picked up some leaf litter and covered Hammie with them. I stood up with a satisfied smile on my face.
But she didn't seem satisfied. She was glancing round anxiously, as if looking for something.
Then suddenly her hand shot out and plucked out a big hibiscus from the nearby bush, and she placed it on top of the pile.
"You'll get in trouble for that if the gardener finds out!" I exclaimed.
She just smiled with a twinkle in her eye, and said, "For Hammie."
Turning round, she skipped off into the distance, her long black hair dancing with each hop and skip.
"For Hammie," I said, watching her tiny figure disappear into the school crowd.
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:57 am eh.. that's hardly pri 6 standard lei... that's like way beyond their standard. Nice read thou. ;) and GIMP is unfriendly!!! =(
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:36 am I love the way you write ;)
For your second career you should be an author.. I am sure you will be a star in that area too!!
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:36 pm Wah, that's more like at least Sec 2 standard (nowadays anyway).
Either way, bullies can godai. Everytime I hear about a case of school bullying I get really upset. Then there are the teachers that are bochap or just can't be bothered with your "trivial" problem.
Sorry. :)
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:43 pm Nat, its touching and its so nice of u 4 sharing wif us this story as i reali enjoy reading this post. U're v kind-hearted i must say. Im sure all readers wil enjoy it.
Pls update whenever u hv time as alot of ppl wil be looking 4ward to yr nx post.
Take care and hope everything will go smoothly 4 u. Stay happy, Nat.
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:46 pm Its indeed a nice story.
And tats not pri 6 standard at all leh.
tink sec 1 maybe cant even write so good!
but i been pondering on tis.
wad has it got to do wif bully?
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:20 pm hi nat
hv u consider having a book of ur own, like dawn n Jessica ? haha
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:41 pm haha look like your english is very good ....many word i don understand haha btw i am primary 5 haha
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:12 pm Wah, I didn't write like that when I was in Primary 6. ;)
By the way, nowadays, the standard for Primary 6 is around the same as Nat's compo. ;) I remember seeing the word "grotesque" in my friend's compo when I was in Pri 6!
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:28 pm Nat, thats tallent =D
Cheers.
P6?! lol. so hard to believe =p
aLex.C
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:33 pm my fav subject is eng and literature too!!love the story.If i was in primary six i don't think i can write that well.
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:02 pm halo!
did ya notice about the unique picture of the thing that I gave you? hahas!
Hope you like it. =)
Anyway, nice reading on that compo but standard too high over p6 lehz.. LOLs.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:01 pm nice compo;D doesnt sound like primary 6 though... more of a higher level! nice description too.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:21 pm hey nat !
nice story ... i like it alot .. if only i can write such a good compo too ..
but i think standard is abit high for primary 6 , hehe .
but your english is really powerful . :D
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:28 pm WASSUP advertlets titan! ahah im a titan from KL. hello hello
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:42 pm tts nowhere near pri 6 standard! i used to score very well for essays and i don't write like that... tts too difficult lar.. LOL
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:21 pm Oh my dear.. NAT!!
Ur english compo i can say - *thumb up to ya* hurhur.. too good for pri. 6 standard le.. ya u should be a producer or author.. maybe one day u can shoot a short movie.. title call *Little Mouse? Stuart Little? or maybe additional for some romantic and sweet scence.. from there how the boy and girl know each other and be together.. hurhur..*
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:47 pm PSLE GRADE
ENGLISH : A**
Creative piece, with a twist.
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:16 pm Oppa~ Pro! like me write pro essay. ^^
._. I can only write this kind of essay during Secondary 3 not Primary 6. So i am a Pro Babo
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:59 pm hey, your story actually left a warm feeling after reading! your language is really good man.
you really cant give your email add? =)
July 3rd, 2008 at 5:18 pm ALL>> haha okay well I didn't mean that this IS really Pri 6 standard lah, but more like I tried to keep it simpler. anyway, i'm glad that you all liked the story! :)
les>> you've got a point there. actually, it's got everything to do with the bully. although the bullies were not directly mentioned in the story, nor did the reader know what happened to them, it was deliberately done. instead, i think the focus should have been on the "effects" of bullying - how it affects a person's emotions, thinking and outlook. and as for consequences, like how come there was no justice meted out - you may be wondering how come they got away scot-free or how come the teacher didn't do anything. well, a lot of times in Life, it's like that. Justice isn't always served, and it may not always seem fair. But yet there was still closure in the story - the closure was when the girl was able to move on. So I think that's the more important thing - how we react to bullies, or for that matter, problems, when they arise :)
rina>> haha yes i did think of writing a book before. maybe when i've retired or if i decide i don't want to do the whole entertainment thing anymore :)
LCG>> yup, i noticed it - the upside down thing was pretty cool!
smashpOp>> hey yeah man, advertlets rocks! gotta love their new widget eh?
mssecret>> well it'd be cool to direct/produce my own film someday. there's just so many things i want to do! :)
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:18 pm THAT WAS A PSLE QUESTION!
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:15 pm Extremely cool!
July 4th, 2008 at 1:46 pm if primary 6 can write like you sure get full mark ...haha
July 4th, 2008 at 7:23 pm eh... helping your mum do homework... good son. hahaha~ this is my weak point while sch time. learn a lot of new words from here eh. =)
July 5th, 2008 at 11:43 am i seriously hope that i can write like YOU..my english compo standard is quite low..come to think of it.i hardly passed my english compo test!especially when i was having 'o' level this year!i seriously need to buck up my english standard..nat do u have any tactic or advise for me?so as to allow me to upgrade my english skill!
sorry to trouble u!!
July 5th, 2008 at 5:39 pm L - 18/20 (Some minor punctuation errors and the use of contraction and colloquial words (e.g. okay) in formal writing)
C- 17/20 (Problem unresolved - what happened to the bully or bullies? it seems that the act of being bullied is not addressed)
Total - 35/40
Many P6 pupils write excellent compos these days. :)
Two cents worth.
July 5th, 2008 at 10:29 pm silun>> the only way is to just read more books, preferably novels as opposed to comics ba, since they would likely have a wider vocabulary and a more developed literary style.
current p6 teacher>> yes, those rules for formal writing have become quite a headache, since it has become rather diluted in modern literature, which tends to ignore rules in favor of literary effect. i went with effect, heh. as for content, i gotta disagree with you on this one though, it isn't stated explicitly that the act of bullying has to be addressed. by doing this, wouldn't it place restrictions on how the storyline develops? creativity cannot be taught, only nurtured. but yes, i have to agree that there are many excellet compos by P-sixers these days :)
July 6th, 2008 at 8:31 am From a fellow cynic struggling in his faith - I must say that your honest and poignant entries made me rethink about some tough decisions in life. So just want to drop a note to say thanks. Keep up the great work in the media. Cheers also to your mom who's in that great position of influence which I used to be from n miss sorely. Will check in regularly.
July 6th, 2008 at 10:10 pm ok thank u!!
July 8th, 2008 at 7:51 pm Nat,
Hmmmm it really depends on the given leading questions based on the situation. If there isn't an explicit requirement for the mention about the act of bullying, yeah, then the content mark would be higher. :)
creativity can be taught, and nurtured. :)
Btw, your mandarin diction has improved!
July 9th, 2008 at 9:56 pm The story moved me to tears... more like Sec 2 standard, but very good attempt. I think i got the point of the composition, even though the girl got her pet mouse killed by bullies, she was able to get over her misery and move on with life. I give you an A :-)
And you're right about "justice isn't always being served"... I myself have been a victim of bullying, yet I got over such trauma and moved on (it certainly helps that I accepted Christ during secondary school). Right now I am thinking of less aggressive ways to handle a situation regarding a certain SHOWOFF...
Speaking abt mice, I saw a dead rat outside my dad's house a few days ago...
July 14th, 2008 at 6:30 pm I think I could only write like that when I was in sec three. My p6 standard was wayyyyy lower than this.
August 5th, 2008 at 10:13 pm Hollers... Haven't been reading your blog for so long already! Anyway, I just wanna say I'd mark this an 'A' alright?
Comments:
You kept it real simple and I especially liked it because it contained a touch of naivety - something I'd expect from a Pri 6 kid. Good job employing non-fancy words and maintaining a consistent prose.
There. Take care!